Mr. Chomondly-Squared read a prepared statement as follows.
Terry Pratchett, Honorary Chair of Pataphysics at the Geometrical Pataphysical Laboratory stated that "for something to exist, it has to be observed. For something to exist, it has to have a position in time and space. And this explains why nine tenths of the universe is unaccounted for.
Nine-tenths of the universe is the knowledge of the position and direction of everything in the other tenth. Every atom has its biography. Every star its file, every chemical exchange its equivalent of the inspector with a clipboard. It is unaccounted for because it is doing the accounting for the rest of it, and you cannot see the back of your own head.
Nine tenths of the universe, in fact, is the paperwork. Events that start in different places and different times all bear down on that one tiny point in space-time, which is the perfect moment."
Kurt Vonnegut, Honorary Table of Pataphysics at the Geometrical Pataphysical Laboratory postulated that "these places are where all the different kinds of truths fit together as nicely as the parts in your Daddy's solar chronometer". He described this as a chrono-synclastic-infundibulum hereafter referred to as CSI. In this procedure we intend to create our own CSI.
Actualisation of our CSI requires five processes: Creation of Motivation, via the exploitation of zero point energy from the electromagnetic fluctuations of the vacuum; Creation of Resources, via the application of techniques of genetic recombination to produce desired alterations in genetic material; Enhancement of Intuition by collecting and filtering phonic radiance from distant objects; Enhancement of Wisdom by the separation of the more volatile parts of a substance from those less volatile by vaporising and subsequently condensing the essence; and the Enrichment of Luck by the manipulation of self-belief at an atomic level.
Each of these five processes will be centred into a magnet. When combined by each individual this will create a CSI unique to that individual. This CSI is then used to empower both a wand and the individual with the five fluxes: Motivation, Resources, Intuition, Wisdom and Luck. This wand is then used to attract and collect opportunities as represented by iron filings.